Monica 101

Welcome! Apart from my occasional MySpace blogs, I'm new to this whole thing. But I'm accepting the challenge of making this my online semi-journal; however, as I've not set any goals or quotas for myself, don't expect much. Now here's the itinerary for Session 1:

1) I let you know what this blog entails.
2) I give you random facts about me that tells you a lot of worthless junk, but hopefully doesn't help you understand me as a person. Because I may not know who you are. And that's scary.

Down to business. First things first, anybody can view this blog free of charge. It's not that I'm into philanthropy; I really don't know how to charge people even though I may want to. Furthermore, I'm not sure that it is indeed a viable business. Why would anybody pay money to read about me? And allow me to digress--who pays money to buy memoirs? Just curious. They're just coffee table books; it's not like they're ever read. Or are people really that bored?

Back to business. This blog will cover urgent news reports from Monicaworld, nationworld, worldworld, and... cannonball! This may include funny things that happened during the day, satirical pieces aimed at nonsensical people, and observations on transnational politics. I hope to make this entertaining and witty, but sometimes I'm JUST NOT FUNNY. I try to remain gramatically correct, and your job is to assume that any grammatical/dictional ambiguities and "mistakes" are intentional, even if they may not be. This blog will NOT include any updates on Britney Spears' hair or the Simpsons sisters (as in Jessica & Ashley, not Lisa & Maggie)...unless it's for the purpose of mockery. Lastly, I reserve the right to choose subject matter regardless of whether it fits within the parameters I just established.

Hmmm... Disclaimer: By viewing this blog the reader agrees that no legal or physically painful actions will be pursued against the poster of this blog. This blog does not necessarily represent the viewpoints of 20th Century Fox, the New York Yankees or the Los Angeles City Council. Views posted in this blog may or may not be backed by factual evidence.

That said, random facts about me. Why random facts? As I mentioned, I don't want to reveal my personality because I don't know who's viewing this. In addition, I don't really know my personality; I've flunked every personality test I've ever taken. The problem is that we as humans are capable of so many emotions and can assume so many personas that we are the ultimate paradoxies; we are ambiguous, unpredictable at best. So how can anybody define one's personality?

I'm fully fluent in one language: English. Having trouble with the language of love.
I love food.
I read and appreciate inspiring quotes, but, unfortunately, promptly forget them.
I enjoy all sorts of music.
Most sorts of music.
I've never tried anchovy pizza, but I'd like to.
I love baseball, and I'm getting into football (soccer if you speak...American...).
I'm currently using Gold Bond Ultimate Healing lotion. Good stuff.
I love history. I read histories, not memoirs.
I've actually never taken a long walk on the beach.
I enjoy humor.
I appreciate and try to follow the rule, "Never use 10 words when you can use 7," when writing.
I try to be courteous to people, but sometimes my face betrays me. I can't help it. I give a look before I can stop it.
I love the whole atmosphere when fog rolls into the bay.
I love my family.
I see my close friends as family, and love them.
I don't love my enemies, but I don't have any (that I know of), so that's okay.
I've actually edited this thing more times than my average term paper.

I think that's enough. Thanks, hello, and welcome.

P.S. I'm planning on turning this thing into a memoir when I'm done.